When blogging for influence, you want the influence to be positive, nourishing, healthy.

You want people to follow you, listen to you, and model you - because they LIKE you. Not because they fear you, or are annoyed by you, or want to avoid trouble from you.

And to gain influence, you first need to build up a network of partners and fans - a network that grows because these people too like you.

So, why is it so difficult for many bloggers? It really isn’t. Not if you know the secret of making people like you.

Let’s talk about how to make people like you, to look forward to hearing from you, to enjoy working with you. It begins with the way you build a relationship - and that in turn depends on your ‘First Contact’.

What Do YOU Want?

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Far too often, relationships get off to a rocky start because of unrealistic or unclear expectations. When you, as a blogger, reach out to someone to begin a relationship, be sure you know what you are looking for from the association.

• Are you hoping to get a guest blogging stint on their blog?
• Do you want them to add you to their blog roll?
• Would you like the other blogger to write for your blog?
• Are you looking to sell their product or service as an affiliate?
• Is your plan to partner with the other blogger on a project?

Be specific about what you want. That will determine your approach, your style and mode of communication and the sequence of activities that follow.

Let’s say you are keen on becoming a guest blogger on a popular blog. Your approach will involve the following steps:

• Convince the blogger of your writing abilities and expertise
• Getting the blogger’s attention (in a positive sense)
• Developing a relationship before making an offer
• Putting forth your proposal to contribute guest posts
• Writing and submitting your first guest blog post
• Having it published
• Creating a process for future posts

On the other hand, if you were looking to become an affiliate for the blogger’s product or service, you’d begin in a different way. You’d probably buy the product and send in your feedback. Then, you might express interest in helping sell it to others, and then work out the process to do it.

Without a clear idea of your own expectations from the deal, you’ll end up making a confused, scatter-brained, random approach - and busy or harried people may find you a nuisance or irritation rather than a potentially valuable partner.

Who Will Give It To You?

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Once you have clearly defined what you are looking for from your relationship with people, you need to determine who can give it to you.

The bloggers you are trying to influence and convert into partners are NOT the same people as your ultimate target audience. So you have two distinct levels of prospects - your end-user audience, and the ‘channel’ that will give you access to them.

It’s like wanting to reach an audience of soap opera watchers on TV - and using NBC to do it. You’ll approach the two groups differently. And that’s how to do it in your blogging network building efforts too.

Once again, specific knowledge will make you easier to work with - and easier to like.

Let’s say you’re looking to partner with a blog to reach the readers. Your first task is to research whether or not the blog’s audience is the kind of person you want to access with your message.

• Is the niche right?
• Are readers looking to solve the problems you can offer solutions to?
• Do they have money to afford your solution?
• Are they already buying things on the partner blog?
• What information are they NOT finding there?

The questions may be different depending upon what you want. But make sure you answer them to your satisfaction before taking the next step. You don’t want to scramble up a ladder quickly, and discover at the top that it’s leaning against the wrong wall!

If the blog passes your first test, the next thing to find out is how you can help the blogger. Once you’ve found a way you can add value to the blogger’s life, you stand a great chance to get him/her to like you.

• Can you fill a gap that you’ve identified in their offering?
• Can you stand in for them while they take a break?
• Can you provide support services or value-additions?
• Can you send them relevant, targeted visitors?
• Can you sell their products or services?

These questions and others are focussed on ways and means to help the blogger you want to partner with. When you start thinking that way, it’s easy for them to like you. After all, wouldn’t you like me if I came to you with an attitude like that?

Where Can You Find Them?

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This step requires a bit of ‘out of the box’ thinking. That’s because you’ll have to consider behavior patterns of your prospective audience - and based on their behavior, decide where you will look to find them.

In the offline world, you’d search for laborers on a construction site during the day, or at a bar in the evenings. You’d look for students in college during the week - and at popular nightclubs or entertainment spots on weekends.

Think about your audience’s demographics. What kind of things do they do? What interests them? What worries or bothers them? Where do they go to seek solutions or find assistance?

A little creative analysis of this factor will help save you a lot of time in approaching the most likely places where you will find the right people.

How Will You Reach Them?

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Making contact online can be a nightmare because of the extreme precautions many bloggers take to avoid being bothered by nuisance callers, email spammers and comment trolls.

Look to see if there’s an email address or contact form. These work sometimes.

Check for a phone number. If it isn’t listed on the website, do NOT try and find it from databases like domain registration services - the blogger has left it out for a reason. Respect that.

If the blog has comments enabled, you can leave a few comments on recent blog posts and be pretty certain they’ll be noticed by the blogger.

Check the blogger’s offline schedule. Are they speaking at a live event or attending a conference that you can go to? If it is convenient, that’s a better way to establish contact than online.

Do they sell anything? You can buy a product or service and use that as a ‘foot in the door’ to initiate contact legitimately.

Are they supporting a cause or charity? You can make a donation or show support in some way and establish contact.

Also check for a physical address. You might send a postcard or even a longer letter and get noticed.

What Can You Offer Them?

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After choosing your method to contact the blogger, pause for a while and ask yourself what you can offer.

Before doing this, you need to understand some metrics related to your own business and blog.

• What is your business model?
• What is your profit margin?
• Do you sell customers after the first purchase?
• What is your customer’s life time value?
• What assets do you have that can be bartered for value?

With these answers, you have a fair idea of what kind of offer you can afford to make. Now refine that into a definite set of proposals you will put forth.

• Is it guest posts for their blog?
• Is it access to your network and audience?
• Is it your expertise, technical skills or time?
• Is it a ready-to-go product they can sell and profit?
• Is it freebies they can give away to gain goodwill?

Whatever it is you plan to offer, make sure you can deliver on the promise. If you are offering revenue-sharing affiliate programs, make sure you have software and tracking set up to compute their share and pay it on a schedule.

Start Looking - And Analyzing

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Now you know what to look for in a site or blog you are considering a partnership with. You probably have a list of questions jotted down to quickly run through when you find a potential partner.

The next step is to start looking for them.

Use search engines like Yahoo or Google or MSN to search for blogs on your chosen theme. Click through to visit the site. Spend time on it to study how it looks.

• Is the blog updated regularly?
• Is the content of good quality and valuable to readers?
• Does the blog have a professional look and feel?
• How big is the readership? (you may find RSS feed count buttons on the site)
• How much traffic does it get? (use Alexa.com or Compete.com to find out)
• What kind of partnerships does the blogger already have in place?
• Do they sell anything?
• Do they have paying advertisers? If yes, you can contact them for information.

All these questions help you decide whether this blog is one you wish to be associated with as a partner. If the answer is yes, take the next step. If you aren’t sure this is a good fit, move on. A better targeted and high quality blog will make you a far better partner than a slew of poorer fits.

Make Contact

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When you’ve done your homework and gone through all the steps listed above, you are likely to have a short-list of the most ideal prospective partners to contact.

And they will be people who are eagerly looking forward to interacting and working with you - because you can help them get where they want to go!

Will they like you?

You have greatly increased the chances that they will. Now, don’t mess it up by the way you make contact.

Be respectful. Remember, you are soliciting them for a favor. They have absolutely no obligation to accept. If they turn you down, accept it and move on.

Strangely enough, if you handle yourself in a professional, courteous and polite fashion, even a brush-off can be the beginning of a future relationship. People remember how you behaved - often for a long while later. Maybe the timing wasn’t right just now. That may change later. Be prepared for that.

Get personal. Talking on the phone is better than email. Meeting face to face is better still. It may not always be possible, so do your best with what you can.

Do not use form letters. If you have to use email, make it individualized and unique. Mention stuff that proves you have taken the time and trouble to visit their website, spend time studying it and why you consider your partnership a good thing for both sides.

Barely one in 50 people building business relationships and networks online takes the trouble to do it right. That’s why you can easily set yourself apart from the crowd by going that extra mile.

That’s also the secret of making people like you!