Prologue: John Reese is my friend. A guy who has supported my CHD Foundation in a way very few others have. He is the single largest donor for my charity. I have enormous respect and admiration for him - which is why I’m writing such a frank post!
Ok, that should set the tone. Now, let’s get down to brass tacks.
John Reese is a kid.
That’s what I think - and his recent antics prove it.
Like a child, he can dream big - and not let ‘reality’ hamper his thinking. He believes he can do anything… and so has done some great things.
Like a child, he hurts easily - and shows it. Whenever anyone criticises (or appears to) his work, he is quick to respond in ‘defence’.
Like a child, he recovers quickly - and apologizes for his rant. With justification of what he does and why.
All this is appropriate behavior for a beginner who is establishing a name in marketing or business circles.
So is the ghastly photo showing how he spent sleepless nights preparing for a big launch.
But it is NOT right for an established business owner, much less a teacher whom many thousands of beginners look up to for inspiration, direction and guidance.
The message they glean from John’s actions is simple and direct -
I wrote a cautionary note to my list, addressing certain issues (which incidentally turned out to be the way most of my readers had interpreted John’s note)
John felt I had distorted his message and quoted stuff he never said - but what I did was to focus on the bits that my audience might gather from reading BETWEEN the lines of John’s message… and draw a conclusion that because he said it was ‘profitable’, it was also ‘easy’!
That is the added responsibility anyone in a leadership position must assume - I call it the ‘Ethics of Influence’ (and have written about it before).
John Reese (and I’m singling him out for attention only because he’s a friend, and I feel he’ll take my message in the correct sense - he is by no means the only person in this role) may still want to be a child.
Maybe there is something good about being like a child - in the sense it lets you go after the impossible, and achieve it.
In that way, I too am childish.
Yet, the behavior needs to stop being childish at a point… because people are going to watch you, follow you, model you… and emulate you.
Do you want to lead a niche audience down the path of reacting with knee-jerk rapidity to perceptions that turn out to be different in the clear light of hindsight?
Do you want to paint the picture that shows harsh, impolite, rude and insulting rants are ok, just as long as you later apologize for your behavior?
Do you want to create the image that, no matter how successful you get, you can never feel confident enough to take criticism in stride, need to be watching out, fighting rearguard actions?
No, I’m sure nobody does.
Yet that’s how these repeated episodes that have aired on the prime time Internet marketing soap opera channel have played out. Like the recent flame war on Mashable and the Income.com blog.
I don’t like that happening to someone who is an icon, someone many people look up to.
Because far more people watch, judge and form opinions on such public arguments than ever will come out and post a point of view.
Successful and accomplished people like John Reese deserve better than that. But by repeating impulsive behavior, it is possible to go to the well once too often… and at that point, credibility and established goodwill begin crumbling and collapsing.
Two questions need to be asked and answered at this point.
1. Why post this publicly on my blog instead of writing to John Reese personally?
Because the message is intended for an audience that’s far bigger than an individual. I’m using one name… but replace it with a horde of other ‘gurus’ and the message is still relevant and valid.
And because the advice is applicable to an entire niche market - and even successful people in other niches.
Defending your turf is imperative. Being seen to do it in a responsible, mature, respectful manner is even more so.
Succeeding is fun. Having fun while succeeding is even more so.
2. Why post it here on my blog instead of a comment on the Income.com blog where the discussion/debate is already raging?
Because it is not relevant to only that debate or argument, but to a broader malaise I have noticed pervading the space I’ve engaged in my work online.
This is just one example. I could point to others - like this one (there are tons of more examples) - each of which is a waste of time following, unless you draw useful lessons in modifying your behavior in the light of the lessons learned).
Hopefully, this message helps some people to GROW UP.
Not in the sense that they stop dreaming, wishing and acting to change the world and make it a better place. Keep being a child in that respect.
But certainly in the sense of respecting the community, cherishing the respect it showers in abundance upon you, and acting always in a fashion that keeps this admiration and adoration growing and expanding massively.
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7 Comments Received
June 22nd, 2008 @5:55 am
Dr. Mani,
I understand the “childlike” metaphor picture you are trying to paint, but I’m SHOCKED that you would personally aim it at John in this manner.
First of all, the title of this post. You are no dummy, and I’m sure you know that blogs like this are quickly indexed in Google. And you also know that not everyone is going to take the time to read your entire post, nor understand the message you are trying to convey.
From many perspectives it’s going to surely look like you are attacking John, even though you refer to him as your friend.
In my world, friends don’t publicly try to use others names to voice their negative opinions to the masses. Especially in the blog post title like you did.
I’ve always thought of you as a really nice dude. But this post really seems like you are kicking John square in the nuts.
Last time I checked, I’ve never had a friend make a post like that about me on the internet.
And considering you mentioned that he’s was the largest donor to your charity, I’m absolutely puzzled why you’d slander the dude like this after seeing the low brow techniques applied by others in the last few days.
Why would you want to hop on this train too?
It’s seriously baffling to me.
I think John has a right to defend himself from these type of attacks, even if it appears childish to you.
Is John a bit sensitive? Of course. That’s John.
But so are you when it comes to things you hold close to your heart. And John’s business is very much close to his heart, and you should know that he doesn’t treat this like some soap opera or childlike board game.
If you knew how hard he was putting effort into the system he was building, maybe you’d have a clue why he is passionately defending himself against these wild accusations that are quite shotty in terms of “real truth”.
Just like you, John’s mission is to help people. Especially the little guy. He’s always gave tremendous help to people, operated his business in a very fair manner, and is incredibly passionate about what he does. But many people will look past all his good deeds and just focus on things like his Million Dollar Day, or lame blog posts like this or the Mashable one.
I really think this post is below the belt. You could of done it without mentioning names, but for some odd reason you felt it important to single out a dude who’s been very good to you.
I can’t understand why.
And personally, I don’t think any friend would do this to another friend. It’s just not cool in my book.
It just appears that you are trying to hijack or parlay on John’s name while the traffic is ripe for your own benefit.
Your post has some decent points. But to aim them directly at John really makes me have a bit of a different opinion of you.
And if you knew the tons of hours, money, and effort John was putting into his Income.com site you’d quickly understand why he is quick to defend himself. I think just about anyone would.
So in closing, I think you’re blog post is quite unfair, in horrible taste, and seems very ungrateful.
That’s just how it looks on this end.
I was sincerely SHOCKED to see you had wrote this. And in a way, sort of saddened to.
Here’s hoping you take the high road instead of perpetuating the gossip and trash talking that people love so much.
And in the end, I think you know that people love to read this type of stuff, and you should be smart enough to know this is a total cheap shot, especially coming from you.
Take care,
Jason Moffatt
June 22nd, 2008 @8:59 am
Thanks for dropping by, Jason, and for your comment. Your views on what friends do differs from mine. Most of the rest agrees with the core issue of my post.
You said: “I think John has a right to defend himself from these type of attacks…”
I hope you’ve read this follow up blog post where he admitted to his mistake of rushing to respond, and for letting negativity creep into his rebuttal.
Like I said, “Defending your turf is imperative. Being seen to do it in a responsible, mature, respectful manner is even more so.”
The rest of your response is about personal perspective, and I respect yours even if I don’t completely agree with it.
All success
Dr.Mani
June 24th, 2008 @2:11 am
Hi Dr Mani -
I’ve got to tell you - in a world where I’m not sure of much, one thing I’m sure of is this was a FAR bigger fop a on your part than anything John Reese may or may not have said in defense of his own business and reputation. Frankly, I have no skin in this deal, nor do particularly care either way. But you threw a person whom you consider to be a ‘friend’ under the bus in a pretty ugly way. And NOT because it’s not ok to define friendship in such a way as to try to compel your friends to be more deliberative and aware in their public comments. But because you used PERSONAL insults to make what were largely, irrelevant professional points.
Where Dr Mani - pre tell - does linking to and referencing a “ghastly” picture fall on the totem pole of your standard of friendship? How does that serve the larger purpose of holding friends and their actions accountable to a higher standard? It doesn’t. It’s what ALL reasonable people recognize as a cheap shot. A metaphorical ax to grind. And if this is supposed to be a friend of yours, you do indeed have a different perspective on friendship than most.
Dr Mani - I applaud you for your service to children. I find it somewhat sad, however, that the people who will most likely suffer from your commentary are those very same children to whom who have obviously dedicated so much of your attention, and affection. You have a multitude of responsibilities in my book to express displeasure to a friend who has supported you privately. But in YOUR very specific set of circumstances, if for somethign so foolishly trivial you would risk important funding from your admittedly largest benefactor, your priorities need a serious shot of reexamination.
As an afterthought, I have read 3 or 4 posts on your blog - and EACH and every one was some sort of shallow outlet for you to articulate your own prescient vision and foresight. Take a look at your posts Dr. Mani - the last 4 or 5 alone are sufficent. They are ALL about you. Your fight. Your plight. You as hero. And that’s fine - but I don’t need to be a Dr to see someone crying out for a bit of recognition…and attention. Sometimes that big yellow bus with plenty of room for a few warm bodies makes a good way to get some.
I don’t know JR - nor do I really care. I only can’t stand hypocrisy - mine, yours or anyone elses. So - considering I don’t believe in strangers…only friends I haven’t met yet - as a friend, your definition, not mine - you are both disingenous, and hypocritical to boot.
Best -
Ian
June 24th, 2008 @3:06 am
Thanks for your comments.
Seeing as how this is my blog, it’s kind of natural that the posts are sometimes (even often) about me, and contain my insights and “wisdom”, no?
I also dislike hypocrisy. I see as hypocrisy the act of siently standing by and watching (or worse, cheering along) a person who is striding down a path to self-destruction - out of a mindless, misguided and mis-directed sense of ‘loyalty’ towards ‘friends’.
My friends correct and guide me. I have benefited from it, even if (at the time) it was not pleasant or to my liking.
Like I said, far more listen, watch and make their judgements without making them public. And that’s the thing. If anyone reads just the comments on this blog, they may assume (wrongly) that everyone shares these similar viewpoints.
And that also applies to the assumption you’ve just made about how this will impact support to my Foundation and the work I do with heart kids.
Y’know the saying - opinions are like noses, everyone has one!
Thanks for dropping by.
All success
Dr.Mani
June 25th, 2008 @8:34 pm
We talked about this post on Twitter a few days ago and I’ve actually thought about it several times since. I still don’t really understand the WHY either.
But my opinion doesn’t really matter here as the post isn’t about me. Still I wonder…Dr. Mani, you are standing firm that you have a different view of friendship, but what if your friend doesn’t agree and is hurt by your methods? Does that make a difference?
June 26th, 2008 @6:13 pm
I apologize for not being able to continue the discussion we were having on Twitter the other day, Alice.
Your question raises some interesting issues, and there is no single or simple answer that would fit every case.
A lot depends upon the friend.
If the friend is a private, reclusive person whose problem/trouble is something no one but his closest circle of associates knows about or sees, then airing that dirty linen in public would be gross and in poor taste.
On the other hand, if the friend happens to be an iconic thought-leader, who makes a series of gaffes in the public realm where thousands (if not millions) watch and (more often than is realized) scoff/laugh/abhor the behavior that’s been displayed, that’s a completely different kettle of fish.
And again, as in this specific instance, if the lessons to be drawn from the example/case study are relevant (indeed essential) for a wider audience, then the situation is unique in another way.
In every one of these scenarios, it is possible that the friend “doesn’t agree and is hurt by these methods”.
Two solutions suggest themselves.
#1 - Back off and let the problem resolve itself, one way or the other
#2 - Stick to your guns, in your friend’s best interest
Which choice you make would depend upon your personality, the seriousness of the issue in question, and the intensity of the relationship (which in turn affects the degree of concern for your friend’s welfare).
An analogy that may not be quite apt, but which keeps popping into my mind is that of a child playing with a knife.
If you take it away from the child, s/he may not be happy - but will be better off.
Of course, in the interest of preserving the child’s illusion of happiness, you might let him/her play with it - and then help treat the cut injury that will eventually and inevitably happen.
Like I said, not a great example to use, but it does illustrate the point I’m trying to make.
All success
Dr.Mani
June 29th, 2008 @3:34 pm
Hey guys and gals,
We’re all adults here, right? It seems like we’re all walking on eggshells a little. I think John can take some criticism whether it’s from a “friend” or not. He’s a big boy.
Sure, it’s obvious that Dr. Mani is playing on the buzz and looking to get a traffic spike of John’s name (don’t deny it :)… but, hey, that’s good marketing right?
Dr. Mani’s post is markedly different from the others that have been posted about John on this matter… you can tell he comes from a place of caring… whereas, you can sense the hidden hatred and envy from the other posters.
It’s a learning lesson…
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